We generally see change as a problem to be solved. So if I have a problem with anxiety, my solution might be to take up relaxation classes, and try to make myself less anxious. When people come to see me, one of the things that often emerges is the reason they have come, is not because they haven't tried to change. Their story is one of trying very hard to change, and finding that for some reason they are unable to.
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To practice ethically I have a commitment to continually update my knowledge. A little while ago I was sitting with 15 other people doing the same, when this way of understanding guilt and grief appeared. To me, this way of understanding felt transformative and also helpful, so I have written a short article about it.
In parts one and two, I looked at how using Breakwell's model of anger can help to understand anger better, and work out how to respond more constructively when we are angry. However, some people have a pattern of anger, which feels very different to the one suggested by the model. Often described as 'bottling' anger. The person may have an awareness they are holding onto anger, and have times when they suddenly explode, often over seemingly trivial things. However, sometimes the person can feel completely calm, before exploding. Until I went through the intensive personal development that accompanies becoming a counsellor, I had a pattern very much like this.
In part one I looked at a model of anger, and how it can help understand anger better. It suggests that people get angry because of the meaning they make of events. The efffect of these events can build up until the person explodes into a crisis, or they can happen with a single event, if there is enough going on in the background. After an explosion the person gradually calms, and can explode again if something else happens, until eventually they begin cooling off. There is often a dip during cooling off when the person can feel tired, tearful and remorseful. In the rest of this article, I am going to look at using this model in more detail using a real example of anger, and look at how you could use this with yourself to look at your own anger.
Anger management is an often used term. One of the misunderstandings about anger management is that it is about the teaching of various techniques to control it, such as using breathing, mindfulness, or ways to openly express it. And while these techniques can be useful in helping to manage anger, they are a bit like putting a plaster on a cut - they help to make anger less painful and distressing. The two key elements to managing anger are 1) becoming more aware of when you are angry, and 2) understanding how you respond to anger. In this three part article I will be looking at understanding anger based on Breakwell's 5 stage model (1), and how you might use these insights to gain more control over anger.
Do you ever see a face, and wonder what story they have to tell? Whenever, someone comes to see me, this is usually the first thing I wonder. Who is this person? How do they see themselves? How did they get here? I am struck by the uniqueness that emerges, and while there may be similar themes, no person's story is ever the same.
Do you feel like the woman in the photo, and are wondering about counselling? You've not tried it before, but are wondering whether it might help, and need a no nonsense guide to what counselling is all about. The following article looks at the practical and the not so practical aspects, lifting the lid on some of the jargon used in counselling, and giving you an idea what to expect from counselling, as well as a nose under the bonnet look at how counselling works. My article, choosing the right counsellor, looks at the best way to narrow your choice of counsellor, when searching through counselling directories. The rest of this article looks at making first contact and what to expect from your first few sessions.
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