We generally see change as a problem to be solved. So if I have a problem with anxiety, my solution might be to take up relaxation classes, and try to make myself less anxious. When people come to see me, one of the things that often emerges is the reason they have come, is not because they haven't tried to change. Their story is one of trying very hard to change, and finding that for some reason they are unable to.
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In parts one and two, I looked at how using Breakwell's model of anger can help to understand anger better, and work out how to respond more constructively when we are angry. However, some people have a pattern of anger, which feels very different to the one suggested by the model. Often described as 'bottling' anger. The person may have an awareness they are holding onto anger, and have times when they suddenly explode, often over seemingly trivial things. However, sometimes the person can feel completely calm, before exploding. Until I went through the intensive personal development that accompanies becoming a counsellor, I had a pattern very much like this.
In part one I looked at a model of anger, and how it can help understand anger better. It suggests that people get angry because of the meaning they make of events. The efffect of these events can build up until the person explodes into a crisis, or they can happen with a single event, if there is enough going on in the background. After an explosion the person gradually calms, and can explode again if something else happens, until eventually they begin cooling off. There is often a dip during cooling off when the person can feel tired, tearful and remorseful. In the rest of this article, I am going to look at using this model in more detail using a real example of anger, and look at how you could use this with yourself to look at your own anger.
Do you feel like the woman in the photo, and are wondering about counselling? You've not tried it before, but are wondering whether it might help, and need a no nonsense guide to what counselling is all about. The following article looks at the practical and the not so practical aspects, lifting the lid on some of the jargon used in counselling, and giving you an idea what to expect from counselling, as well as a nose under the bonnet look at how counselling works. My article, choosing the right counsellor, looks at the best way to narrow your choice of counsellor, when searching through counselling directories. The rest of this article looks at making first contact and what to expect from your first few sessions.
In Dean Burnett's article, Cruel Summer: how hot weather makes people angrier, he looks at the psychology behind why people are more angry when it's hot. He says that one reason might be because when it's hot, higher temperatures increase heart rate, testosterone, and stimulate the sympathetic nervous system which is responsible for our fight-flight response. Another reason he suggests is due to discomfort. When people have no control over their discomfort this tends to make them angry, and usually they then displace this anger onto something else, like the person driving the car in front. It might also be due to something called cognitive neoassociation theory, which says that when people experience something negative, like being hot and uncomfortable, they tend to have a similar predisposition to anything they associate with it. So a person might also associate traffic jams, crowded beaches and shopping centres with being hot, and so have a similar negative feeling about them. Dean also notes that there are 'numerous theories' which also handily creates room for me to look at this from a counselling perspective, using some of the principles of formative psychology developed by Stanley Keleman.
My love of playing with sand really began when I was a child. Every summer we would buy a family train ticket, and journey each day down to Weymouth's sandy expanse. Here we would mix water and sand in a bucket, plop it out on the beach, where it would magically transform into a mighty castle.
I was introduced to sand tray therapy as a counselling student, and I vividly recall myself and a colleague creating this complex narrative out of nothing more than a pile of sand, and a collection of objects. What I really like is the extra dimension it brings to therapy, not only for children, but also adults. |
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